Dirty Jobs

Why doesn't Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs ever feature moms?  Sure, we don't clean up owl vomit or farm mealworm, but we do some pretty nasty things too.  Example:

Last week I cleaned up more poop than I'd ever hoped to in my life.  And I'm not talking about changing diapers here.

On Saturday night the missionaries stopped by to remind and encourage us to be member missionaries.  One of the sisters asked to use the restroom.  She was gone awhile and when she returned she was clearly embarassed.  "I clogged your toilet," she confessed in a heavy accent.  "Oh it's not a big deal!  Our pipes are the worst, it clogs all the time," I assured her.  I could tell that she was distracted and embarssed during the rest of the discussion.

As the sisters were about to leave, the sister who had clogged the toilet said, "I am really sorry about your toilet!  I am so embarassed."  "Oh, don't be embarassed," Jack replied, "worse things could happen."  He proceeded to tell her about his mission companion who had not only clogged someone's toilet, but left their bathroom flooded and didn't even bother to clean it up.  He thought his story would help her feel better about the situation, but apparantly it made it worse.  The sister turned bright red and said, "Well that is what happened to me!  I need to help you clean up!" 

Despite our protests, she pushed her way to the bathroom and grabbed a towell and started mopping up the poop-filled water that had flooded our bathroom.  No wonder she was embarassed!  We insisted that she stop trying to clean, assured her that we were not mad and told her we'd take care of it.  The embarassed sisters finally left but not before saying, "I'm so sorry, please still do missionary work!"

It was not her fault and I was not mad at her at all, but man cleaning up that bathroom was disgusting!  I mopped up the water with old towels, bleached and then disinfected the entire room and then disinfected myself.

A day later Jack undressed the kids so that they could get into the bath before bed.  He got distracted by a phone call and the naked kids ran away to play in Hannah's room.  A few minutes later Hannah returned and told us that "something terrible has happened." 

We went to inspect her room and found it literally covered with poop.  Diaper-less Jackson had pooped.  A lot.  And it was runny.  And it was everywhere.  There were poop footprints down the hallway, poop handprints on Hannah's play kitchen, clumps of poop on nearly every toy, poop on the bed, poop all over Jackson's body, poop smeared into the carpet.  Hannah was right, it really was terrible.

We wiped down the kids and threw them in the bath and then I scrubbed and wiped and lysoled until I was sure there was no poop left.  I even threw away a onesie and a book I was sure could never come clean and then put all of Hannah's toys in the dishwasher for good measure. 

I do believe I could compete with Dirty Jobs' manscaper, baby camel feeder or shark researcher any day.